Seven Swords Plus Five
by afrai
Summary: 12 short shorts about shinigami and their swords.
1. Oldskool

Author: afrai  
Summary: Bleach people and their swords.   
Disclaimer: All zanpakutou named and unnamed, loved and forgotten, lost and found again, belong to Kubo Tite, as do their masters.  
Warning: Contains large amounts of cheerful dumb.

**Seven Swords (Plus Five)**

_Gin and Shinsou_

OLD-SKOOL

Gin's zanpakutou leaned over his shoulder, scratching himself contemplatively.

"Og hungry," he said.

Gin's eyebrow twitched.

"You'll git to eat when Aizen-taichou gives the word," he said. "And yer name's Shinsou. _Shinsou._"

"Og's spear blunt and rusty," said the caveman. He tapped Gin on the back of the head with the polished bronze head of his spear. He had come to Gin still stuck on flint. It had taken ages to get him onto bronze. Gin was still trying to persuade him of the virtues of titanium.

"Og's master has aim like puny little girl," said Shinsou mournfully.

"Shut up."


	2. Birth

_Unohana and Minazuki_

BIRTH

_I have come through darkness to find you. I swam through many waters. I flew past many stars._

"How was it with my sword? Ah."

_Winds buffeted me. The cold stung me. It was warm and humid. Drops of rain clung to my flesh._

"Don't worry, Isane. You see ... "

_There was no air. There was nothing to breathe. There was no sound. There was the howling of wolves. There was birdsong._

"The worst is already over when you hear its voice."

_I came through forests to find you. I came into light. Come into me, and you will be reborn._


	3. Lost And Found

_Hanatarou and Hisagomaru_

LOST AND FOUND

He was almost used to the living world, Hanatarou told himself.

In fact he was secretly proud of how well he was dealing. He wasn't entirely sure why he had been sent, since Ichigo-san and his friends rarely stood still long enough for him to retie their bandages, much less heal them, but he was sure he'd be able to help once the Arrancar stopped attacking for a while.

Meanwhile he had been making himself useful. He had a part-time job. Sometimes he cooked for the others, and he hardly ever caused fires these days. Modern technology held no terrors for him now --

"Attention! This is a call for a lost child!"

Hanatarou dropped his shopping basket and rolled.

"Will Yamada Hanatarou please come to the reception desk to meet his guardian who is very worried about him!" bawled the small child. "And if he could stop hiding behind the fresh produce section like a big fat wuss, that would be nice too!"

"Hi-Hisagomaru-san!"

"Don't call me that!"

"I mean, Hisagomaru," said Hanatarou hastily. "I haven't seen you in a while!"

"You _lost_ me!"

"Yes, yes, I did, I'm very sorry," said Hanatarou. "Um, Hisagomaru-sa -- Hisagomaru, would you mind putting that loudspeaker away? It's a little loud."

The little boy twitched, but he put the loudspeaker down.

"You _left_ me," he said accusingly. His voice was still notably shrill even without the loudspeaker's help. Hanatarou winced and looked around before he remembered that nobody else could see his sword. "Why do you always leave me?"

"Oh," said Hanatarou.

They stared at each other, the small boy with the Coke-bottle spectacles and the shinigami.

"I'm sorry," said Hanatarou gently. "I wish I was strong enough to deserve you."

The child wiped the back of his sleeve across his eyes. Hanatarou resettled his spectacles on his nose.

"I don't want anyone else," said the child. "But you don't want me at all."

"That's not," said Hanatarou helplessly. "I just don't get to fight much, Hisagomaru-sa -- "

"Are you buying vegetables?"

"Bitter gourds," said Hanatarou.

The boy brightened.

"I'm _good_ at gourds," he said. He slipped a small sweaty hand into Hanatarou's. "I'll help you pick the best ones."

"Thank you," said Hanatarou.

"Just don't do it again," said Hisagomaru. "Stupid."


	4. Leaves of Grass

_Byakuya and Senbonzakura_

LEAVES OF GRASS

"I still think you should save her," said Senbonzakura. Her nose wiggled in bendy disapproval.

"I made a promise," said Byakuya stonily.

The tapir sniffed, though the effect was somewhat impaired by the fact that she had just plunged her proboscis into a heap of leaves.

"Suit yourself," she said in a muffled voice. "Just don't come running to _me_ when it all goes pear-shaped."

"You know nothing of honour."

Senbonzakura shrugged, which was odd to see in a creature that didn't actually have shoulders.

"You can't eat it, can you?" she said. "At least a sister you can mate with. Where are you going?"

"_I_ was hoping for a yuki-onna," said Byakuya bitterly.


	5. The Morning After

_Renji and Zabimaru_

THE MORNING AFTER

"Oi."

Renji cracked an eye open and looked up.

He closed it again.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, dipshit!"

"You have a drink in your ha -- paw? No? What about one of those massager units the 12th division came up with?"

"Do I look like a slave boy to you?"

"I'll take that as a no," drawled Renji. "Not interested. Fuck off."

"Dumbass." Zabimaru settled on its haunches beside Renji where he lay scrunched up on the bench, pretending to himself that his back didn't feel like it was broken in sixteen different places.

"Four drills in a row just to make a point to the division," said Zabimaru. "I trained with you for this bullshit?"

"Funny, I don't remember asking you for your opinion."

"So how much sleep did you get last night?"

Renji didn't speak, but it suddenly felt like a good idea to roll over and turn his face to the wall.

"So," hissed Zabimaru. "When can we expect to see eggs?"

Renji choked. "What the fu -- never!"

"Though your female doesn't really have the hips for laying eggs. Or bearing children."

"Talking," Renji muttered. "You need to stop doing that."

"I've always wanted an infant," said Zabimaru wistfully.


	6. The Perils of Intimacy

_Renji and Zabimaru_

THE PERILS OF INTIMACY

"Keep still."

Renji ducked away from Rukia's hand, pulling in on himself and shaking his head like an indignant dog. "That fucking stings!"

"What's this? The noble Vice-Captain of the Sixth whimpering like a babe in arms? What a truly sorrowful sight!"

"Shut up!"

"Then stop scratching!"

"Let me have my sword."

"No," said Rukia composedly. "You may need it in future exploits ... honoured Vice-Captain."

Renji went a deep purple and slumped.

"I'm going to _kill_ that asshole," he muttered.

Rukia hummed. "If one so humble could presume to offer her advice, honoured Vice-Captain ... "

"Shutupshutupshutup."

"I would recommend that you try your best to avoid catching fleas from your own zanpakutou." She uncorked the bottle, squeezing more of the demonic ointment she'd got from the Fourth onto her palm.

"It has a detrimental effect on one's appearance of dignity," she added kindly.

"Scratch that," said Renji. "I'm killing you first."

Rukia beamed.


	7. Tenma Laughs

_Shunsui and Katen Kyoukotsu_

TENMA LAUGHS

Once there was a youth who went travelling to broaden his mind. He traversed the earth and the sky and he saw how the dead live and how the living die.

One day he was stopped on the road by an old tramp.

"Come, my friend," said the old man: for all the world was his friend. "Let us drink together and be merry, for tomorrow we lose everything."

The youth's beard was sparse and there were many flavours he had yet to taste. He did not believe in death, but he believed in wine.

That night they drank and spoke of poetry, of flowers and of the moon. Just before dawn had begun to creep across the sky, the youth finally brought himself to put down his bowl of wine. The tramp put a hand on his arm.

"Before you leave, I will teach you the lesson I brought you here to learn," he said. And he told the youth the secret of laughter -- not laughter in the face of one's own death, which comes easily to every young man, but laughter when all one's efforts seem about to collapse into dust, when the things one loves most expire, as all things will.

"Weep only for the passing of beauty," said the tramp. "For tears are only beautiful then."

The youth was deep in his cups, so this made luminous sense to him. He pressed the tramp's coarse hand, heaping thanks upon him for his insight, and asking him how such generosity could ever be repaid.

"There is no need," said the tramp. "For now I will require your forgiveness." And he drew two slim knives from his pouch and killed the youth.

The next day the youth woke up with a punishing thirst and a throbbing pain in his side. His murderer and mentor stood over him, laughing.

"Every night we lose everything, and every morning returns everything to us," he said. "Now, let me teach you how to fight when you are drunk on wine and poetry, and then perhaps you will deserve to wield me."

This was how Kyouraku Shunsui found his sword.


	8. The perseverance of the forgotten

_Zaraki_

THE PERSEVERANCE OF THE FORGOTTEN

Shortly after they joined the Gotei 13, Yachiru acquired an imaginary friend. Zaraki snorted and said imaginary friends were for pansies, but they set aside an extra bowl of sake for it anyway.

Bob-chan always won at cards.

It annoyed the 11th that Yachiru never seemed able to make up her mind as to what Bob-chan looked like. Sometimes she said Bob-chan was a person ("like you and me, Ken-chan," cheerfully oblivious that any incongruity might attach to the idea of there being anyone who could resemble both her and the massive captain of the 12th division), but sometimes she did not seem sure what sort of an animal Bob-chan was. Once she said he was a storm cloud.

"A storm cloud," said Zaraki flatly.

"He's upset," said Yachiru. "Eh, stop that, Bob-chan!"

When Zaraki had left Bob-chan ricocheted despairingly off a wall and floated over to Yachiru. He was emitting frizzy little lightning bolts, but they didn't hide the fact that he was raining.

"You shouldn't hit Ken-chan," said Yachiru.

"It's not like he felt it," drizzled Bob-chan. "I bounce on his head and I jump on his back and I kick him in the nuts and nothing connects. Damn this rain and damn his thick head! Is the man deaf?"

"It's not Ken-chan's fault he can't hear you," said Yachiru loyally. "He's too busy fightin' to have imaginary friends."

Bob-chan gushed a torrent of rude words about imaginary friends.

"It's not fair to talk like that if Ken-chan can't hear," said Yachiru. "How's he gonna pick a fight with Bob-chan if he doesn't know you're calling him names?"

"Fight with him? I wish I could fight with the moron," said Bob-chan, but the heart seemed to have gone out of him. He issued a last defiant blue-white spark. "And my name is not Bob-chan."

"What is it, then?" said Yachiru.

"Ask _him_," said Bob-chan, already floating morosely away. But Zaraki never knew the answer.


	9. Blood And Bile

_Urahara and Benihime_

BLOOD AND BILE

The 5th years knew the Academy grounds better than any freshman could, but the secret tunnel extending under the demon arts room hadn't been there when they'd started school. Urahara had spent a fortnight digging and a month putting up concealing wards. He was near breathless with laughter when he crawled out at its other end and collapsed behind a quiet teahouse in the 1st district.

"That wasn't very nice," said a voice.

"But it was _funny_," said Urahara.

His eyes widened.

The jester had a gloved hand on his throat before he could turn around. White face, red lips, coxcomb and bells. Urahara had never seen her before. He knew her at once.

"This -- isn't -- very nice -- either," he said.

His sword regarded him with considering eyes. One was red; the other amber-yellow, like the eyes of a cat. They were both equally insane.

"Fooled you!" she said, and dropped him with a splendid unconcern. Urahara put his hand to his throat and slid down to the ground, gasping. The jester knelt down in front of him, nose to nose. Her smile was brilliant.

"I like pranks too," she confided. "We're gonna have fun, aren't we?"

Urahara felt the same smile curve his own lips.

"I think so, Benihime-san," he said.


	10. On Sartorial Issues

_Rukia and Sodeno Shirayuki_

ON SARTORIAL ISSUES

"We need to become stronger," whispered Shirayuki.

"Ow!" Rukia sucked her index finger. "Yes."

"Training is required."

"Yes."

"He is better than he used to be," said Shirayuki.

"Yes."

There was a thoughtful silence.

"I feel like I've been tumble-dried," said Shirayuki.

Rukia looked crestfallen.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"It's not your fault," said Shirayuki graciously. "Your darning has improved."

"It was necessary to mend my clothing myself when I was in the living world," said Rukia. "Sending it out would have blown my cover."

Shirayuki fluttered.

"They meant nothing to me," said Rukia quickly.

"They'd better not," said Shirayuki.


	11. Some Magic

_Rukia and Sodeno Shirayuki_

SOME MAGIC

The touch of a twig on Rukia's shoulder brought her back to herself. She put her hand against the white stone to steady herself, and turned her head.

"You're here."

"Where else would I be?" said Sodeno Shirayuki.

"I thought ... " But Rukia suddenly felt tired, too tired to celebrate a reunion that was too late in the coming. "Somewhere safe."

She sat down on the tiles, folding her hands in her lap.

"But it looks like no one will let me go to my death guiltless," she said under her breath.

Shirayuki sat down beside her, though since he didn't have legs, 'sit' might not have been the right word. His carrot nose was already drooping, the snow too wet to hold it, and water dripped off the tips of his fingers to join the spreading pool on the floor. His permanent smile had melted into a grimace.

"Ichigo won't die," he said. "And neither will you."

"And you?" said Rukia. She did not dare touch Shirayuki, but Shirayuki reached up instead and touched her face, wood brushing her cheek.

"There will be other winters," said Shirayuki. "Have you already forgotten what I told you?"

"The great thing about snowmen is that they can always be made again," said Rukia.

"That sounds about right," said Shirayuki, so Rukia let him sit in the sunlight that came in through the one narrow window, because he, at least, had always kept his promises.


	12. Bonding

_Ichigo and Zangetsu_

BONDING

"You ever had a girlfriend, old man?"

"What?"

"-- okay, wrong question," said Ichigo. "Let's start again. You ever had an expression?"

"I do not understand why you are asking these questions."

"Call it boredom. Or," said Ichigo, "you might call it, oh I don't know the technical term but hey, let's call it enervation resulting from a shitload of fighting and way too much blood-loss for somebody who still has school the next morning. Oh _fuck_, calculus."

"You are tired."

"No shit. Hey," said Ichigo. "You any good at maths?"

He had a knack for trigonometry, as it turned out.


End file.
